Ordinarily Available Inclusive Provision

Relationships in the early years

What are relationships?

Relationships refers to the ability to make and maintain positive and trusting connections with adults and peers which enable them to feel safe and secure.

In the early years it is important to bear in mind the child’s age and stage of development when identifying need.

  • Identification – what you may see in the child

    • Struggles with separation from their caregiver.
    • Constantly seeks connection with a safe adult.
    • Finds it challenging to develop positive, trusting relationships with adults and peers.
    • Finds it difficult to maintain relationships with trusted adults without feeling the need to push away.
    • Does not always trust that an adult will meet their needs and keep them safe – they avoid asking for help or struggle to accept help, avoids seeking comfort, etc.
    • Demonstrates hypervigilance for example, over-reaction to noises and sudden moments, scanning of the room, positions themselves in a place where they can see everyone, avoidance and social withdrawal.
    • Struggles to repair relationships when things are difficult and does not always respond to a restorative approach.
    • May not share information about themselves, either verbally or pre-verbally, to develop a connection with others.
    • Does not always communicate worries to a trusted adult, when upset using words, expressions, gestures or noise.
    • Does not demonstrate an awareness of others’ feelings and needs within relationships.
    • Appears isolated and alone or withdrawn, avoiding interaction with others.
    • Finds it hard to allow others to influence them, may need to feel a sense of control in order to feel safe.
    • Inappropriately affectionate and overly familiar towards known adults and strangers.

  • Planned provision in the setting

    Based on need, some of this provision will be effective.

    • Be curious about attachment needs.
    • Develop the use of ‘How to Help Me Regulate Plans’, to ensure all adults understand their role in supporting regulation.
    • Provide regular, consistent and predictable check-ins with trusted adults. 
    • Ensure regular opportunities for meaningful connection with a trusted adult. Set aside dedicated time to ‘be’ with the child. Play, talk, listen, show empathy and help them to express and process feelings. The child or young person needs to have repeated experiences with a safe adult.
    • Hold the child in mind. Plan deliberate opportunities to show them that they are ‘held in mind’ – this could be both drawing a symbol on your hands that match, asking the child or young person to look after something for you which you will come back for. Refer to thinking about the child during times when you aren’t together, for example ‘I thought of you on Saturday when I heard that your football team had won’.
    • Regularly let the child or young person know that they are thought about, known and will be remembered in daily interactions. Reflect on shared experiences together.
    • Use transitional objects to maintain a connection with parent carers or key adult when they are not present, for example scarf with a scent, a key ring, spray of perfume or book of photographs. The Invisible String storybook can also be used to support this concept.
    • Ensure positive endings and transitions. For example, make a photo memory book together.
    • Adults are aware of their body language and may stand to the side of a child rather than facing them or standing over them.
    • Plan opportunities to develop child’s mentalisation, for example understanding how their own thoughts and feelings may differ to others. Read and discuss stories that involve multiple perspectives, for example, Handa’s Surprise, Rosie’s Walk, Voices in the Park, and Tadpole’s Promise.
    • Draw on previous learning and experiences. Reflect on memories with the child are positive, for example, ‘Remember when…, you did really well to….’