This guide explores some techniques you may want to try at home to help your child manage their anxiety.
We’ve also included links to some useful videos and other resources.
How you can help your child (regularly missing school)
Introduction
Evening and morning routines
If your child is struggling with school attendance, having structured routines can help them prepare for the day. Consider creating evening and morning routines together and use written plans or visuals to aid their understanding.
More about evening and morning plans
Sunday evening plan
As you prepare for the start of a new week, consider using Sunday evening as a time to start positive routines. Taking a moment to plan ahead can help both you and your child feel more organised and ready for the days ahead. You might want to involve your child in creating a simple plan for the evening. Starting these small, positive habits on Sunday evening can set a calm tone for the week ahead. This resource can support you to think about this plan.
Monday morning plan
Monday mornings can be difficult and feel rushed, but with a little planning, you can make the start of the day easier. Try setting up simple routines using the resources linked below. A calm, organised morning can help both you and your child feel ready for the day.
Starting the week with a positive plan can make a big difference in everyone’s mood and help you feel more prepared.
Coping and calming techniques
One way of supporting your child to manage their worries is by helping them to find things that help them to feel calm or reduces their worries. You could create a plan with your child to use some of these techniques when they feel worried.
Things to help your child feel calm may include:
- Using various breathing techniques, like inhaling through the nose for three seconds and exhaling through the mouth for six.
- Practise mindfulness together.
- Listen to calming songs.
- Engage in enjoyable hobbies.
- Create a self-soothe box with items that have different textures or scents they find comforting, such as fidget toys, scented pens, or a tissue with your fragrance on it.
- Establish routines to reduce anxiety, like a predictable morning routine for school.
- Identify safe places where your child can retreat when overwhelmed.
- Identify supportive people your child can rely on when anxious and consider activities they can do together, like deep breathing or discussing their day.
Every child is different and there will be different things that help, so it can be useful to explore several techniques alongside your child to see what they find helpful.
Resources to help with the suggestions for coping and calming techniques
- Supporting a child with anxiety – a guide for parents from Young Minds.
Lumi Nova
Lumi Nova is an online therapeutic intervention that can be used on most smartphones or tablets.
Other useful videos
- Sensory Processing – General Calming Strategies video from the NHS.
- The 5-4-3-2-1 Method: A Grounding Exercise to Manage Anxiety from The Partnership in Education
- The Body Scanner! Mindfulness for Children from The Mindfulness Teacher
- Headspace Mental Health Coaching – a wide range of videos are available on their YouTube channel for adults and children.
- How to make a self-soothe box – from Young Minds
- How to use a visual timetable – visual timetables can help people feel calmer and make everyday routines easier.
Creating a stepped support plan
A stepped support plan can be used to support your child to go into school or to face situations that worry them. You can use a stepped support plan with your child to support them to overcome any type of worry.
A stepped support plan uses a graded exposure approach which helps to reduce anxiety and build confidence in overcoming worries. By setting a goal with your child and breaking it down into manageable steps, according to difficulty level, you can work together to see progress over time.
You can use a stepped support plan approach with your child’s school (also known as a Wellbeing and Attendance Support plan) to support your child’s attendance.
Resources
- Overcoming your child’s fears and worries handout (NHS)
- Stepped Support Plan template
- Helping your child with fears and worries (a self-help guide for parents) book by Cathy Creswell and Lucy Willets
- Parent-Led CBT for child Anxiety (Helping parents help their kids) – book by Cathy Creswell, Monika Parkinson, Kerstin Thirlwall and Lucy Willets.
Managing separation anxiety
If your child has an excessive worry or fear about being apart from you or other caregivers, they might be experiencing separation anxiety.
Separation anxiety is a typical response in infancy when we learn to rely on our parents or carers for safety. Gradually, toddlers and children understand that brief separations from their parents or caregivers are normal and that they will return.
However, for some children, separation anxiety remains intense and becomes problematic, preventing them from doing activities they need or want to do, such as going to school.
If you think your child is experiencing separation anxiety, you might wish to try:
- saying goodbye in a calm and loving way, such as giving a hug and reassuring them you’ll be back and they’ll be okay. Tell them when you’ll return and what you’ll do together
- leaving an item that reminds them of you, like a note, hair band or toy, for comfort
- gradually building their tolerance to separation with short, routine separations, increasing the duration over time.
Resources
Supporting yourself
We know that for many parents and carers finding time for yourself can be hard. When your child is experiencing worries and anxiety it can be even harder to find time for yourself. This can lead families to feel stressed and overwhelmed. It is difficult but it is important to find space and time to look after your own wellbeing. If you are feeling stressed or worried, it will be hard for you to support your child who is also feeling stressed and worried.
Some ways to support yourself
- Schedule time each week for activities that are for yourself.
- Remember you are not alone in these experiences, and other parents are experiencing similar struggles.
- Ask for help from the community around you – reach out to family and friends for support if you can.
This article from BBC Bitesize also contains useful tips and advice: How can I support myself and my child through their school anxiety and avoidance?