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• What is meant by domestic violence and abuse?
• Who are the victims?
• Who are the abusers?
• What about the children?
• What does adva do in Devon?
• Good Practice Guidelines for Agency Workers
• If you are a Survivor of Domestic Violence
• 24 Hour Helplines

   

What is meant by domestic violence and abuse?

Domestic abuse is any violent or abusive behaviour towards you by a partner or ex-partner or even a close family member. Domestic abuse can take many forms. It can:

• be physical violence, including punching, kicking and beating;
• be sexual violence or forcing you to do something against your will;
• be emotional and mental abuse, telling you you’re worthless or constantly criticising you;
• take the form of threatening children, intimidation, bullying, controlling your every move or even isolating you from your family or friends;
• end in death.

As you can see from the above, some forms of domestic violence are very subtle, leaving no physical marks or scars, but can be, nonetheless, equally as damaging.

Who are the victims?

Domestic violence can occur in every type of home, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, marital status, disability, socio-economic class, age or ethnicity.

We realise that men can also suffer domestic violence at the hands of both male and female partners. To date we have to assume that the actual number of male victims is higher than the statistics suggest, as the belief that men cannot be victims of domestic violence is unfortunately still widespread and can lead to men under reporting. It is important that men who report domestic violence are taken seriously and that support and help is available when needed. This directory has a section that points out support services for male victims of domestic violence.

However, it is usually women who are at the receiving end of domestic violence and abuse, and it is often men who are responsible. A study carried out by the Home Office found that in cases of domestic violence 94% of the suspects were men (Harris, 2000).

Who are the abusers?

Domestic violence is about gaining control, not a lack of control. If an abuser is careful about when, where and to whom they are abusive, then they are showing sufficient awareness and knowledge about their actions to indicate they are not 'out of control'. Abusers use violence and tactics of coercion as a way of exercising control and getting what they want. 'Blaming the victim' is something that abusers often do to make excuses for their behaviour. This is part of the pattern and is in itself abusive. Sometimes abusers convince their victims that they are to blame for the abuser's behaviour.

Blaming is an abuser's way of avoiding responsibility for their behaviour. Some abusers are sorry for their actions and persuade their partners that the abuse won’t happen again. But, however persuasive they seem, the violence usually gets worse over time.

Since abusers typically display different kinds of behaviours in public than they do in their private relationships, most people are not usually aware of domestic violence when it is happening in their community. Sometimes, it is difficult to believe that a person who behaves so respectably in public can behave so appallingly with their family. This can sometimes make it even more difficult for victims who are trying to reach out for support, as they may feel that they will not be believed when they speak out about the violence.

Some abusers consciously use the fact that there are two sides to them by trying to charm the people the victim may turn to for support and this can include agency representatives. This is widely known as the ‘charm syndrome’ and it is important for agencies to be aware of.

For more information on the dynamics and tactics of abusers, please check out the adva training course: ‘Tackling Abusive Behaviour’ – taking responsibility.

What about the children?

Children are often more aware of their parent’s problems than the parents think. In the UK at least 750,000 children a year witness domestic violence. Studies have found that children are present or in the next room in 90% of domestic violence incidents (Hughes 1992).

Lisa (15): ...that’s what I always do – I lie awake at night. I still do. I make myself be awake so that I can jump up when it happens and get between them ...it’s important that I don’t go to sleep for my mum’s sake ...I have to help my mum ...otherwise he might hurt her really badly.

Research evidence shows that children experiencing domestic violence can be negatively affected in every aspect of their functioning, safety, health, school attendance and achievement, economic well-being and emotional development.

What does adva do in Devon?

The adva Partnership was set up in November 2002 with the aim to bring together the statutory and voluntary agencies within the county to tackle the problem of domestic violence in Devon. Since the launch of the Partnership strategy much work has been done and adva provides a wide range of services.

For Survivors: adva funds Outreach support services in each district, a free phone helpline, Independent Domestic Violence Advocates, as well as Pattern Changing Courses for survivors of domestic violence.

For Perpetrators: adva funds Repair – a community based programme for male perpetrators in Exeter/Mid and East Devon, North Devon and South Devon.

For agency representatives: adva delivers a wide range of high quality multi-agency training courses. Between 2004 and 2010 the adva Partnership trained over 7000 front-line workers and ran specialised training courses for managers, GPs and schools.